True Power

 

Being Your Own Authority

I am starting to sleep more and have a renewed sense of being alive. I am proving to myself I can be this greater self of who I truly am and with others in ordinary real time and not lose myself. I am knowing what to say and when and when not to say things. I’m living in my own life. At a very deep level I am feeling relaxed and am starting to sleep through the night. I’ve got a taste of “heaven on earth” this week and I know now it’s something that I can cultivate. Being myself in the world works. It all felt big and I was excited to meet with Dove to see what he had to tell me:

JON: I’ve finally been getting a little rest in the past day. I’ve slept 4 hours a night the past few weeks and I’m feeling exhausted.

DOVE: Ideas can be like plutonium – radioactive, charged and metallic – made of rare ingredients.

JON: I woke carrying an image of my first wife Karen into the waking state, but I slept through the night.  As in many past dreams, I had felt unresolved over Karen as to whether I should have divorced or not. This time things were different. In the dream I let my resentments and projections fall away, which seemed appropriate and I saw her for who she was – in her truth of who she was beyond any convention or my judgment. On waking with this I realized I am different now. Something has shifted and I’m not sure what Karen represented in the dream. Can you help me with this one, Dove?

DOVE: In your relationship with Karen, you projected on her the “mother that was supposed to heal.” You’re supposed to do this. The disappointment and re-abandonment through the dream rewounds to another old layer. This time it was highly significant. The subconscious was giving evidence that during the last weeks of not sleeping, you had been doing major work – work on everything we have been talking about consciously.  What we have been addressing is primal safety and the  core distress of just coming into the world. Jon, you are becoming your own parent. You are becoming the one who is truly in charge. When you look at the face of authority you see your own face which dissolves all the circumstances and the maladaptions or psychic scar tissues around the distress. The scar tissue is a wall or projection that was reaction against original distress.

JON: So it’s dissolving the scar tissue and I’m waking into my authority. The subconscious is giving it a language I can understand – a unique language to me. Those cues in the dream were around Karen and it really was a washing away and then a revealing of the reality of Karen. So there is a literal level where I’m seeing the truth of Karen also.

DOVE: The rest of you is catching up and it was made conscious. More of you is engaged in waking up.

JON: I was aware enough to examine it.

DOVE: It was a clear signal

JON: I can see a signpost on the road.

DOVE: A significant little green arrow that says, “you are here!” This is an important piece because it’s showing you all this work is not for naught. It is setting you someplace that is real and showing you the subconscious is working for you, on your behalf.

JON: I’m seeing the impact of it in how I respond to Jenny.

DOVE: It is proof you are getting yourself back. The fear triggers distress and the distress is attached to a trigger or to an echo of abandonment. You are seeing what it means just now. You were maintaining your stillness with Karen and you saw her for who she was in the very beginning. Your resentment to Karen happened to the degree that Karen couldn’t heal your early wounds. In my work, I experience people projecting onto me a lot. Hence, the importance of mirroring as away to lead people back to themselves. The value of the Four Great Truths I developed is, they state you are adequate and fine. You can use this when people are attaching to you, that is – mirror them back. The image of Karen and the falling away of the projections was like a reset button. The whole game was reset and you got yourself back. It was just a projection based on the lie that you were not enough and it all just fell away.

JON: My desire and need to be liked or approved of by any outside authority also dissolved.

DOVE: Authority is most primal because as an infant there were the caretakers early on. It becomes a life or death feeling because it is so hard-wired in. There is still an echo of the threat of death and hence the maladaptive behavior to been seen as valuable enough to keep around, which is no longer not appropriate to you as an adult.

JON: Karen served as a kind of lifeboat to me: “she wouldn’t leave me.”

DOVE: You were seeing a floating life buoy to grab onto.

JON: A warm body to hold onto at night.

DOVE: On an utterly primal level.

JON: I’m wondering how that might still relate to Jenny.

DOVE: Connection physically, like a warm body at night?

JON:  Yes.

DOVE:  Some situations in life can imitate it without being it. It can be simply by circumstance. But now you are having connection most all of the time, as opposed to just being lucky.  The same can be said about your near-death experience 20 years ago. So now the question is, “how to keep you here?” With Jenny you are not reacting in a way that takes you out of connection to source or to her. You can be still enough to let Jenny the butterfly, land on you. When you witness your reactive nature you step outside it and watch reaction through it all. The witness mode is still – a profound seeing or art of being present. There is a desire, a rich involvement at the energetic level to get the value of a certain experience. It’s a collecting of that which you have witnessed, to be in possession of a point of reference. That becomes an ability to orient others, like installing an intrapsychic GPS. It involves more than just emotions or energy not killing you. You gain ability to facilitate safety which is what humans long for – safety and connection.

Working through this dream was a big deal and it related so much to my own authority in a my primary relationship with Jenny in everyday life. I was beginning to see that understanding things that happened in dreams or in the awake were equally meaningful. It was all just information to understand. And so I wanted to explore more about the experiment with Tony at the job site, to mine it for more information. It didnt feel that much different from a dream – just a bunch of circumstance and information. This time it was about my relationships at work.

JON: I want to talk again about a circumstance or experiment I’ve been conducting with a job superintendant named Tony at the Diarq project. When we first met he was very negative to me like a redneck indicating I was an idiot or something along those lines. I responded by introducing myself and saying “I don’t believe we have met.” Of course, he had to correct me. Anyway I did not lose center, and I responded in a generous energy and at the same time felt his negative energy. The upshot was that I was not reactive. A few weeks later when I started the project I could feel he was ashamed and I could feel his energy reaching out to me but that he didn’t t know what to do. I realized that if I were to approach him trying to smooth things over, he would feel I was being patronizing so I let things ride. I remained available and not scary, in order to allow him to approach me, which he slowly did on a few occasions. I responded cordially. Eventually he came and stood beside me and since then he wants to be buddies. In the past I would have reacted and felt bad and really just gone for being liked by Tony and would have lost myself.

DOVE: You have indicated power, a connection to source. He has intuited you as the healer to let him feel okay, to feel on some deep level, it’s okay. You got his attention.
You are getting experiences that validate your growth and the practical benefits like a better working environment and more opportunities. You are being shown what your function is – as you experience more spiritual attainment, you are seen in a certain way.

JON: Yes, that’s coming up, and as it does there is an awkward feeling of not knowing what to do next.

DOVE: Oh! A sense of new responsibility. Suddenly you are more lovable. There is a newness of a new role which is part of the deal. You are experiencing power and have become a holder of power. There is a certain responsibility that you can feel; it pushes your obligation button. “Okay then, what’s next?” the universe is saying. “Well you said you wanted to be liked! So what you gonna do?”

JON: I need to just be here right now to be me and to stay here and to keep seeing.

DOVE: Being on perfect pitch, in choosing the right word with perfect pitch, comes from right seeing which comes from utter stillness. There is a point in spiritual attainment of being the golden goose that lays the egg. For example, with issues of circumstance such as what happened with Tony.

JON: So I started saying, “Good Morning” to Tony in an upbeat way, letting him know he needn’t fear blame or shame from me. I know he felt ashamed of being an ass to me at the beginning, and I offered an opportunity for him to heal, instead of reacting.

DOVE: You welcomed him here, you appreciated him! He was experiencing an utterly irrestible, non–toxic good feeling as you spontaneously delivered the right energy, the perfect pitch, the Midas touch. You were facilitating, modeling a master. You aligned with the great parent, the one that makes it better and removes distress. You could take on the responsibility of handling it. The deal is, that it is often confounds others’ neediness. We are still conditioned to give in to their neediness and our compassion is often misguided and needs to be counter-balanced with wisdom.

JON: It’s important to maintain respect for the others’ capabilities.

DOVE: Knowing how to mirror it back is vital; they are sovereign, therefore you must
prevent letting your ego get in the way and prevent “getting your fingerprints all over them”. Another way of saying it is, “you exhibit grace when truly mirroring”. You are in a state of grace and you remain gracious and graceful. “Gracious” has the notion of welcoming, which is what you did with Tony. Grace in the largest sense is the goodness of the universe. You are valuable, simply because you are, which is being in a realized place.

JON: Holding the connection.

DOVE: It is a realization in your own life that distress is not necessary, so that presence is allowed in grace. When you are centered, you are allowing being. Stillness is natural and to witness is appreciation. Your very identity welcomes people here; you exemplify grace. You presence is magnetized for circumstances that have perfect pitch for other souls to produce safety. It’s like “the sun triggering a flower to bloom”. Like the Buddha, wherever he stepped a flower would bloom.

JON: I would like to talk about a related point. It’s about witnessing a swimmer at a LA Fitness. I was in the sauna, watching a man standing at the pool’s edge waiting. He seemed to be waiting to get into the pool and for the single swimmer in the two lane section to allow him in. So, I thought I would carry out an experiment. The hypothesis was – either he had never been here before or he was shy. Finally the swimmer saw him and invited him in, and he displayed the shyness I suspected. Was it me, I know that I had every right to be there and would not have waited. So my conclusion was that he was shy. I tested out the hypothesis by observing, but my whole approach felt “off” inside and not connected.

DOVE: Two things come to mind. First, you were being like an anthropologist. You were being analytical which is not necessarily a mode that is very satisfying. You were separating yourself, being that witness, which feeds an egoic kind of way. It didn’t warm and facilitate connection; but rather you were making a fetish out of experiments that inflated the ego. You were not stepping in graciousness. The second thing was that it can be a spiritual trap.

JON: The tools alone are not it.