Staying Present

 

Presence is a skill and a practice of allowance

 
This past week I was having a big challenge trying to make sense of life. I was so happy we were meeting in person this week and especially that we could sit at the same picnic table where the “Saint Francis” experience happened. I had a lot to put on the table to Dove. I felt him seeing me deeply and as usual he asked the appropriate question:

DOVE:   So how are you?

JON:   I’m really sitting on a fence between the old and a new place, and the fence is big. I am aware from your class on “Mastery of the Heart” that there is a way.

DOVE:  That reminds me of Gertrude Stein’s quote about Oakland to the effect that it seemed like “there was no there there”. So, you are moving on like at graduation.

JON:   The “St. Francis” experience has brought me back to the mid 1990’s when I detoured from a path that was getting too intense for me. I had been quite disoriented after my near-death experience in 1991. Old ways were not working out and I was left with no other choice but to follow whatever occurred to me in the moment. It was a very uncertain feeling and way of being, but at the same time I had a new order of certainty. I guess now that is what some people refer to as “guidance” or their “guides”. I would usually follow such promptings and they always turned out to be reliable and helpful, to lead me through the everyday ordinary world. The relationship was palpable and constant for 3 years and often I got a shiver down my spine when paying attention to the guidance. I would feel watched over and a gentle smile would naturally rise on my face. Every so often and with increasing frequency over three years I would “pop” into a higher clarity but I never could tell when it would happen. Sometimes it was similar to the kind of experience I had in the park a few weeks ago, but you, or you and I were able to induce it. I always felt that I had interrupted that unfolding in the mid 1990’s and now I feel back on track, 14 years later. Now, with this work I am doing with you, I am seeing that I can learn to intentionally choose and create a truly enlivened heightened life. It feels like I can learn to be fully alive before I die. But I’m at a standstill and don’t know where to move next, Dove.

DOVE:   You have an impending sense of revelation, have gathered clues and are aware of a pattern and therefore you are conscious that there is something larger to be revealed. I want to run something by you and see if it resonates with the where you are sitting. The already awakened eyes open the self into the future which is coming back to visit and check on our sleepy selves. You could be meeting your Future Jon but your future self doesn’t want to freak out Current Jon. The Future Jon has the wisdom to waken you gently, like a “tip toe.” Very simply, it is “self reflection” that makes experiment possible. There is a scientist and there is a process happening. Imagine a Future Jon that’s integrated and ask him “What would it be like if he introduced just a dropperful of realization, a dimensional opening.” What would happen to the overall mix in the Petri dish? It is like when you are explaining your experiences to Jenny, it is safer. All variables are accounted for and you get the added benefit of learning with Jenny. You are sharing a process and watching what is happening and watching to see if this experiment is repeatable and if the theory holds. The thing is, it has always been an experiment, an unconscious search. Now it is conscious. It’s just that you have been the last to know.

I sat across the table from Dove and realized that there was a way.  This man had found what I have called the “big life” and he could truly guide me. From my own experience and from hospice work I know that people usually never find “the big life” until death comes knocking. It was up to me to choose. I listened and hung on every word, absorbing it like a child and writing down every single word that dropped from his lips. This was what he told me:

DOVE:   There is a sublime sophisticated process that is happening and is ongoing, in addition to “hurt the healer” style of process I taught you. You are starting to realize that all (future and present) is happening now. You are engaged in it and facilitating understanding by engaging in experiment. By acting in experience, there is something engaging with you. One way of seeing it, is that it is ‘you’ in the future.  By articulating all of this, the reality unfolds and the higher understanding is that it’s you. It’s you being God.  There is an awake aspect dealing with the less awake aspect.  So at the job site, with all that you are seeing, what you do is to create either unconsciously or consciously. As a scientist you are conscious just watching and simply being there. You are fully running an experiment holding the variables constant (by not flipping out into ego) by just being yourself. Try holding that even place, where if you allow more truth, there will be more meaning. You are a toddler right now Jon. You are waiting for a step and being coaxed by Future Jon. You can let go of the table when you get that the Future Jon is you. In mysticism this has been called ‘melting into the sky,’ when you integrate the leap. The truth is that you are falling into yourself. It can feel like that when you are revealing to Jenny and with me. It feels like redefining yourself when engaging in authentic articulation to another. An alchemical process ushers us along. That’s why we teach. The very opportunity to articulate cogently, to make truth live for another, pushes the teacher into another realm. It’s about being part of it all, like nature and the dynamic fulfillment when we opened to another dimension the other week in the park. We did it by choice. It is worthwhile and desirable and that gives impetus to open dimensions. It is always available and the ability to open dimensions is always available.

I sat there with my mouth open and my hand was getting tired with all the writing. I can remember that I had little to say. All this information was new to me and I just wanted to ensure that I didn’t miss anything.

 

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