Remaining Sovereign


Stillness, The Crucible and  Walking The Fire

Life has a way of having its own agenda. I was in the thick of things. I was feeling the excitement of the lasting ability to know how to manage my life. So the time was ripe for my new ways to get tested against old ways. Food, especially dairy and sugar, has always been a fallback for me. They used to make me feel good, or rather not feel bad for awhile. Now they knock me right out and make me foggy brained. I’ve relied on them and now they are messing my happiness up. They have such a strong pull.

JON: I feel sick. It started with eating a lot of little desserts at the health talk last night. And then there was a Men’s group workshop I did on Saturday about men getting real about sex, centered on its addictive nature. Of course it all went back to mother and then we looked at what happened when father stepped into the picture.

DOVE: With the sweets you were running an experiment.

JON: Initially, I looked at them and it was simply out of the question. Then something happened. It started out just as “a little taste that won’t hurt me”. That was not wise for me as I know that is how it usually starts. I neglected something and it felt like there was a magnetic pull.

DOVE: Sex and food are tied together. They are mood altering and give an experience of an instant connection, an instant connection to source or an impression of that kind of connection. It is a mock sense of being utterly plugged in to source, of being at the initial spark. There is immediacy, it short-circuits and is very telling. Food is fused with sexuality.

JON: I also felt some predisposition to it.

I felt like I was finally getting some factual information and wisdom from places like the bible on how my feelings and behavior actually functioned together. It was like seeing an instruction manual at last and having a shot at escaping the convolution of the food thing I have experienced all my life.

DOVE: Energetic anatomy gives evidence of the degree to which you were not connected. What is inferred is, “you are not enough.” You are having fun but you are not enough. It was getting you into subtler aspects of being awake. Even at the dessert tray, to get it in that very instant would render the unconscious experiment unnecessary because you are conscious. Here is some information on energetic anatomy or chakras. The 8th chakra is the Alpha brain wave and 8 in numerology means it organizes and manages archetypes. It is in charge of the dream body. It’s where dreams happen and it is the royal road to the subconscious. At death experience when you see life flash in front of you are being sucked through the 8th chakra and all your life’s archetypal stories. The 9th chakra is Theta brain wave aspect in which time stops. It is the heaven archetype or source. It is presence or what you call the spacious present. It is where you manifest and where new reality comes into being if you are aware of it. It is where magic is and we are wired to go there and hence the desire for chocolate, LSD and sex. Sweets create a mock plug-into the 9th. The 9th chakra is ideally reached by climbing the ladder to get there by choosing. Its part of your body and you have the right to it, it is yours. You are complete. When you go for chocolate you declare you are not enough because you don’t know how to get there without it.

JON: The biblical Ecclesiastics comes up to mind. I realized the other day that a lot of people say that we were not shown how to do it better. The bible talks about all the rights of passage in humans and the Native Americans have rituals for every stage of the human journey.

DOVE: People get into metaphysics and such to run away from the bible. The bible is truth made in story form, so it could always be told and handed down. There is allot of allegory and myth, but it is an operating manual.

JON: I wanted to talk about something we touched on before about staying centered. That is the primacy of emotion. It is alive, living and every time I can hold it rather than project it, it subsides, passes through me and I relax. When I do that I can get back to being connected, clear and not clouded. It’s a way I use emotion, like a bell, to listen for and to hold and carry with me in order to stay connected to livingness and brightness.

DOVE: We are designed with a self-correcting mechanism to keep us centered. The only missteps, if you understand them as such, in your case, is you just need to be alerted because you are ready to be alerted. There is no right or wrong here. In the energetic anatomy, sugar and alcohol limits the 9th chakra and severs the contact. Sugar is aligned with sexuality. Neither is bad; both provide psychic silence. The idea is to be awakened to all this so as to make informed conscious choices in order to be awake and to have ability to remain awake. Then, all else is available as well. Food relates to primal instinct, and there is a whole physiology to it and magnetism.

JON: In some recent work I discovered how when growing up, I felt my relationship with my mother was off-limits when father arrived on the scenen and they went behind closed doors. I was left twiddling my thumbs and never did find my own connection. I more or less just waited till mother returned and father left. I remember everything changing in the house when he came home from work. Now, women are off-limits and forbidden in a similar way and I resist being too open because I don’t want to be left with the feeling of twiddling my thumbs. Somehow I also felt forbidden to be myself and then I got lost in the compensating as Mr. Man.

DOVE: The sense of self ownership became complicated and your sense of sovereignty became scrambled. It felt crazy, all kinds of crazy and very disorienting. You needed to recreate chaos on the outside to experience a semblance of orientation. You learnt how to facilitate similar disorientation in others so as to feel a semblance of temporary orientation for yourself, especially in social situations.

JON: Oh my god, thank you, thank you. I’m reminded of Ecclesiastics chapter 12 that Nancy Tappe was talking about – its all pointless, purposeless and a game even though there is something that always seeps through the games and roles we play that is true and who we are.

DOVE: There is a larger intelligence, that’s true. It simply requires waking up to it and stepping into a place of appreciation. It requires stepping into a larger pool to have perspective.

DOVE: You know you are there when you look out on the world of humans and can’t help but “to be taken with how cute they are”, because you are awake to it. As the monkey-mind gets trained to this it contributes to staying connected to source and works with making good choices in stepping well. All aspects contribute because you are exquisitely designed. We just forget.

JON: I have been feeling so off center, sick and tired and my job box was stolen off a job. I’ve been feeling really “off” for two days.

DOVE: Even so, you are actually able to deal with all the circumstances. This was shown to lead you to the question of what is required. It was designed to make you forget. The divine irony is that it is your own soul behind the events. It constructed the experience to knock you off center and only your soul knows you enough to have been able to construct such an experience.

JON: I got from the experience that I really don’t want the fall out of life.

DOVE: At the beginning of being pulled to the sweets one can stay bigger by being still and can recover from it. This is another level of wisdom. It’s about recreating in 9th chakra experience and making inside meet outside. To plug in is a rush. It is ideal to experience the 9th chakra from a place of being grounded. Who you are naturally facilitates connection and has all the appeal of 9th chakra experience.

JON: There is importance to being grounded; it can make it all sustainable.

DOVE: It is required to have a frame of reference in which everything is okay, an experience of being okay and that everything is exquisitely functioning.

I was getting the attention and connection I always craved and the isolation was lifting. It was very orienting and at the same time unfamiliar. Dove spoke directly in such a matter of fact way that I felt completely understood and I wanted more. It was like I had been starving for this most of life. I didn’t know you could even have this kind of talk or that information was available which all made sense. I didn’t really know what hit me then. I was just trying to take in each little bit of new information. I was feeling a deep safety and warmth and glow. This was what I had missed out on as a child. It was all so new I didn’t even realize that I was right then, in the middle of the kind of experience I had missed out on. So I told Dove:

JON: I need to get this experience with another human.

DOVE: Ideally with mother or father. Therefore what the healing and reparative work looks like is to be mirrored and witnessed back so you can recognize yourself in the mirror having an experience. My job is to be a mirror.

JON: As opposed to staying in a dark room.

DOVE: A laser light or even a flashlight can help.

JON: I got initiated into trusting and relying on my emotional guidance system in 1992. It is as way I can understand and learn to choose and feel grounded and integrated in the world. 

DOVE: So, it gets to “the work” of taking on a certain responsibility vis-a-vis what you have been awakened to. Therefore, there has been enough collecting of information: going to seminars, reading this and that etc. Now you are able to communicate it, cultivating a perfect pitch and being a good navigator. Development comes when you are using the tools to facilitate the larger process. It is the aspect of being beyond the way you were experiencing things in 1992. Therefore, it’s being able to bring 9th chakra experience down in a grounded way. It’s the nuts and bolts of creating heaven on earth – running experiments, installing and articulating. The universe is invested in it and supporting it. You are not being dangled by “Future Jon” under a bic lighter. If that happens, you need to have a talk with yourself, which is the same as self reflection.

JON: That is the work of it. Everything is there and can throw you off. I can see how the food issue can serve as a practice of building the spiritual muscle of presence. All of this is also the integration back into the everyday world piece that I failed to complete in 1995. It is birthing myself. You have led me to the water and now I need to drink.

DOVE: Who sets things up? What are you being conditioned for? What is activated in your soul is an ability to remain utterly focused. All things are “strong illusions”, but what for? They train you to remain with steely force in connection.

JON: It is like God growing through you.

DOVE: In a classic sense your eyes are focused on the supreme no matter what demons are dispatched. You gain spiritual strength and it activates aspects of you that could not be activated any other way. The soul is having a necessary crucible experience and these experiences are depicted throughout scripture. Often in scripture there is an addendum, ”you will go through this too”. Christ’s message on a deeper level than commonly interpreted is, “you will go through this too”. The work can take you beyond what you thought was your limit, which is the work about knowing what to do.

JON: What about knowing it as destiny, as passion?

DOVE: Yes, Jon, and understanding it is who you are. There is a sense of destiny to be even able to conceptualize a future self that is able to see you now, or the understanding and getting it, that you can do it. You must know, otherwise why would you go there. It is walking the fire and you can hold the energy and if you misstep, there are consequences. You could die and things will happen to you as you go. Something that you can quote me on – “The Shaman always wins.” The Shaman is awake as a choice and on a winning path by definition. It’s like crossing a river and knowing where the rocks to step on are. It is living the intrapsychic perfect pitch and stepping where others can not step. Ecclesiastics speak to the human wreckage, the human condition.

The Shaman is not immersed in it. As you untangle and orient others, it validates your process. This is relevant to how I facilitate. I unscramble the egg with a willingness to step into the wreckage and to engage and unscramble. It is about staying in still mode and encountering and confronting new things and even orienting them. Because I am so familiar with principles and practices of orientation I have certainty that the Shaman always wins. Shamanism is cultivating relationship with power in order to step left or step right. Shamans develop cumulative wisdom and the Shaman always wins and will survive. He has the ability to move through crucibles. It may be in a panic but you know a panic button is being pushed. You don’t escape the panic altogether.