Presence Is A Choice


You can choose to create your life

Dove drove up the coast to meet me today. We went for a quiet walk to the ocean and found a picnic bench right at the edge of a cliff that dropped down 200 feet to the rumbling surf. I gazed out over the vast California Pacific Ocean as far as I could see and watched the distant openness of the blue water fuse with the sky. It was a cloudless day with a gentle breeze and everything felt full of promise. The crashing surf below was such a contrast reminding me of the relentlessness of the everyday world.

DOVE:  So what’s been happening Jon, how are you?

JON:  What you said the other day landed profoundly – “People make their choices”

DOVE:  How did it land?

JON:  With clarity and simplicity.

DOVE:  We are “beings of choice.” We are a divine process and choice is how we confer meaning. Where our attention goes and making a choice is a process of witnessing – we underline it, highlight it.

JON:  So how we experience things is about choice in a big way. I create. I now also feel there is a fundamental choice to be made, a very big life choice. It’s like being at a critical fork in the road. At least that is how it feels these days. Maybe it’s about the coffee table and letting go of it and not making it bigger as a safety device, as I found I was doing a few weeks ago. So I am wondering if I can really let go of it. It’s interesting that as I say that we are sitting at the edge of a cliff by the ocean. It feels like that kind of edge, and the vastness of the ocean seems like the size of space I want to live from.

DOVE:  Yes, and the sun is starting to set. This is not Normal Heights

JON:  The choice I want is to stay connected to the larger, the natural, the soulful, and to learn to live from there and to include everyday life events, business transactions, and relationships in that. I want them to be encased in the larger context. I’m finding my way back to my nature and to life itself well before I die. I yearn for it and I run into resistance to it but my yearning for it is winning out. I was reading Hazrat Inayaat Kahn on the “spiritual journey” where he talks about getting prepared for the journey. He talks about departing and leaving old things behind and going out there and all the preparation that is required to ensure that the older ways won’t pull me back. Even though I have always resonated with Hazrat, it felt it was off somehow, Dove.

DOVE:  There are interesting assumptions that come up. There is something in it that says “I am not enough” and that there is an inherently natural fallibility to complete the journey.

JON:  Yes, it was fear that I felt. Although it was very subtle, it really did imply that.

DOVE:  It implied that you could fail, not do it right, forget something or be “one coin short”.

JON:  Yes, and his description felt very mental.

DOVE:  The subtle implication that you could not be able to do it.

JON:  Thank you, yes. So getting back to…

DOVE:  Trying to make that coffee table bigger and longer in another way. The whole idea of journey to start with is a way of remaining a perpetual student. It is a safe notion because there is a structure. Part of the realization that one eventually reaches is that the whole notion of a journey breaks down. There is a realization that you were never actually on a journey.

JON:  Except in your head?

DOVE:  The journey is a formalized way of unlearning who you think you are. Being on a spiritual journey, you are invited to identify as “I’m spiritual and more than most”. The truth is the destination is not outside. You just end up where you started and you never really go anywhere. The 4 Great Truths cut to the chase without the circuitous route. It cuts through the journey to the realization, “You are fine and you are enough.”  Going on the journey is often the only way to prove to yourself that you never needed the journey.

JON:   There is no line to follow. There are different behaviors and illusions but there is one self.

DOVE:  Therefore the journey is unwittingly perpetrating psychic violence to oneself.  The journey implies you are going where you are not. It’s the Adam and Eve story that they were not enough, that they were not already God like.

JON:  So it feels like…

DOVE:  The real lesson, one anyway…

JON:  Is about me trusting myself. I know that you have known that about me – that I have got the potential but that I don’t trust myself. I have felt your deep care and support and that is helping  me to trust myself. Trusting myself is a big deal for me.

DOVE:  Yes, Jon, not trusting yourself. So here’s a question for you – “Why are you not an authority?” Answering that question is a birth process.

JON:  The word authority is a huge core issue for me. I’ve been working on it forever. My ego has pretended that I am the authority and better than others. I was raised to actually believe that. I know it’s bull and I know it’s been blocking me but it’s been my way, my story, my ego, my seeming protection and my downfall. It cuts me off from being connected to people and the world, let alone the divine.

DOVE:  Everything you know gets flipped inside out when you are being birthed into your life. The cosmic joke is that you already are the authority. You are creating all of your life. Therefore it’s about waking up to it. That’s the surprise, the joke, the epiphany in real time and step by step the way you walk in the world. You learn how to navigate with experiments and as you learn your own inner world you also become aware how to navigate another’s inner world. It’s like doing a diagnostic in the “Evenings for the soul.” People give me the co-ordinates and I go from there and it helps to lead them to an unraveling. It’s the art of empathizing in such a way that it helps them reorient and to open their inner eye. It is illuminating. It’s like people have bubbles as you noticed and I step into their bubbles.

JON:  The bubble thing. I was thinking about that from when I brought it up a few weeks ago down in Balboa Park. Bubble is a metaphor like a protection or encasing. I was thinking  again about staying present and at the same time joining it like you said. So I was wondering if the bubble that I said was around them, although it seems true,  may also be a projection on my part. Is it an expansion of my own aura or something because it is the one “in play”,  because I am conscious of the process? I am also aware of people stepping into my aura and often in a significant way that can result in my being reactive.

DOVE:  There is something to that. For instance there is a vortex around you as I am talking right now. And also for example, with all the people that popped by us in the last 30 minutes there is a certain auspiciousness. We are conscious of it or so inclined to be and they are not. Their showing up that instant to our vibe was on cue and they got their blessing. It’s like remaining in the LSD experience but not in a toxic way or it being outside of you or that it could be something introduced into your system. For example when we sit down neither of us know what we are going to talk about so what’s happening is out for examination. We are putting it out there for celebration and there is no fear. I am celebrating it and will be jumping for joy when an infant is born. The art of being in a celebrating mode draws the birth into this life. It is a powerful form of midwifery, the high art of spiritual invitation where the soul naturally responds.

JON:  It’s like when I was 7 or 8 years old I was highly aware that my parent’s approval of me had a huge sway on me. It helped me to define and feel confident about who it was that I might be and that I was valued. It pulled me in from drowning waters in a sense, and helped develop faith in myself because they had faith in me. It felt “okay this is going to work out”, phew! The difference now is I am aware about a larger picture of me being here and being okay.

DOVE:  Which indicates you are coming from a place of a larger perspective than when you where a child. Also you are letting the psychic immune system run itself out. It’s just part of the process and you are learning how to navigate. The “art of staying engaged” is like LSD when you are chemically engaged but now you are developing the art of it without LSD. You are becoming able to deal with all and anything and to know the factors to orient no matter how the factors are disoriented.

JON:  Holding that intention and the act of doing something, sounds like I am doing something but I am not. I am allowing and witnessing first and foremost.

DOVE:  It’s a mutual thing and it can be facilitated as a natural process. One way of looking at it, is as the “reset button.” As one is naturally aligned with the “reset button” others are invited to reset as well. It is a clear and profound invitation and they can feel it. When Christ went to Peter in full aura and told him to cast his nets out again because they were full of fish, Christ said, “I will make you a fisher of men.” You will be so compelling other people will be in your nets. In the signature aspects, you are hitting it about right and it seems utterly appropriate – it fits and you are naturally drawn to it. You will always be able to right the ship knowing the nature of the journey. Even if you fall you will probably still reach north which makes it less of a catastrophe if you fall from the coffee table. You can actually deal with falling down which addresses the impulse to play “catch me”. You become a spiritual master no matter what and will always fall in “the hand”. It’s your own soul that is catching you, so you are actually catching yourself for the first time. The overarching truth is that “You are Fine” and “You have the Seeds of your Own Fulfillment”. There is actually nothing to catch because there is no falling, but you have to find out that there is no journey to go on. Ego development is a default journey. The spiritual journey is  the only conscious one and at the end of that you find there was no journey. It was all really a joke.