Allowing Self


Energized and Whole

Today was what Dove referred to as a “Hangout Day” that served to install the learning. I did no scribing. It was a profoundly transformative day. I noted what I could recall. I was highly energized and in high awareness but had my feet fully on the ground. It was like a return to childhood awareness but in an adult perspective. It felt like a milestone experience and foreshadowing of what was to come.

When I picked Dove up we started talking on the way to Whole Foods Market about the archetypes and how I had been experiencing life as a movie. I sensed a huge future moving into an entirely different way to experience the world. I told Dove how daunting it felt. As Dove spoke he passed on information which took the fear away. He spoke of all kinds of things that sounded exciting and far from scary. Our conversation got very excited and happy and the excitement kept rising.

We stayed sitting in my truck for some time in the Whole Foods Market parking lot. The conversation turned on a major reaction I had this morning in a call from an interior designer. Dove then gave me a piece of new information – reactivity is not some bad thing. He told me it is an essential part to how exquisitely we are designed and it is just that we have fouled it all up. We just need to get it working right again, as the exquisite sensing radar that it is, which gets back to the understanding – “You Are Fine”.

This  shifted everything.  I had been working hard on eliminating re-activity, thinking it was the opposite of awareness. It pulled the rug out from under me. It changed all the assumptions I had been working on and put me back to square one. I  instantly relaxed. I was OK as I was. I was in an open place that was free of any resistance to moving forward into me being me. Everything was alive and I felt frictionless. Again, Dove delivered the information at a perfect time, when I was ready to hear it fully.

Looking back on it now, there seemed to be a pattern showing up. It was similar to the “St. Francis” experience I had in the park 2 months ago. Again Dove brought my belief system to my attention with ‘perfect timing’ and in ‘perfect pitch’ in support and allowance of me.   That acted like a portal of some kind. I was free of a belief structure that had been limiting my aliveness.   It just ‘peeled back’ and I shifted into an energized transcendent state.   I can see that what really happened is that I was energized. I was fully in my body and  ‘coming to my senses’. I experienced the whole world as sensual. It was  animated and so was I. I  had stepped into the movie, and that felt transcendent. Really, it was quite the other way around. It was a profound grounding back into my body. My transcendental self or soul was back. All cylinders were firing. As Dove told me last time this happened: “it felt like I was just the last one to show up”. It was a return of the part of me that I left as a child when I went seeking into the world.

It propelled me into experiencing the world the way I did as a very young boy when everything was okay. Everything just was what it was.  Life was full of teeming energy and interest and so dynamic with energy just flowing through me. There wasn’t any room for  judgment. I looked out on the parking lot as if looking into the past, imagining and remembering, like I had been here before. I was startled that I had gone on a 50 year journey away from this place. There was also a sad feeling to it, remorse – a feeling I think I had when I was young. I saw that the world was numb and it made me feel numb because there was nothing to plug into.

But now I am 55 years old and I can see a larger world. I see many worlds and have a perspective to see from. Today I was in a super conscious perspective, the 9th chakra perspective I think, and with my feet on the ground. I have been on a long journey and today I fully returned to where I left as a young child. I was blessed with such a vivid experience that can help me as a reference in learning how to stay. That is now the work – to hold center and to learn to stay still and appreciate everything. I am ready to move into situations fully as I am and experience all the energy, the good and bad and all of what I might feel. I am learning how to  constantly move into the fear and into the fire. The books and the workshops and all the information I have pursued are good, but now it is time to keep stepping in.

We shopped and ate lunch for a few hours. I felt really awkward being an adult and behaving like a 5-year-old, peaking around corners. Michael must have thought I was “touched”. Actually he knew I was and he appreciated it. I was playing like a 4-year-old.  I felt quite disoriented although at the same time I knew I was home. It was  like I was checking out the house to see if everything was still there. I was entering into ordinary experiences with all cylinders firing, consciously. It was like moving in two worlds at once. I was having the full-blown ecstatic experience, seeing deeply into the passerbys, seeing what they were showing me and sensing what that might eventually lead to. I was super aware, watching and seeing precisely where I was stepping and hesitating if I didn’t know where to step. I was seeing and thinking and feeling and acting “on my feet” and all at once.  I was experiencing a lot of information, then moving out of the experience, then processing what I could and then responding. It was multilevel, dynamic and teeming with life. That was the experience with the check out cashier when I went to get another salad. I was giddy for most of the day.

When Dove and I were coursing down the aisles he pointed out to me how the gifts of clairvoyance were not things to be pursued on their own. That they just show up when you entered this 9th world. They came as part of the package, that is “me” to start with. He was totally familiar with the territory I was in. Even here, he was seeing me.

We left Whole Foods Market and went to the shops and bookstores on 5th Avenue. In the first bookstore I stopped at a few shelves. I often feel called to a shelf when I enter a bookstore and I usually just kind of go right to it. It’s the way I do it naturally and have done it for years. It’s one reason I love to go into bookstores, it’s fun. I find it hard to leave without finding that book that speaks to me, the one that is telling me something related to where I am in my life. It’s a much guided experience and a very rewarding one. This time after a few stops I found it on the second shelf from the bottom half way along the shelf in the poetry section. The first one? No the second. Usually it’s the first.  There it was. I showed it to Dove and he concurred, it was a reflection of the very experience I just had in Whole Foods Market. Talking about the remembering and lamenting and forgetting what I had left behind as boy – The book was called “The Children of the Gods” and the author had signed it …“May good luck follow these good wishes of the author”.